"Pray to God"
- Fuck you you oblivious fuck.
"I found God"
- You found dick in my ass you declined, neutral fuck.
"“The characters and events depicted in the damn bible are fictitious. Any similarity to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.”
Penn and Teller
The Bible is a collection of 66 different books, the writings of at least 40 different authors over a period of time that spanned at least 1,500 years. The Bible, however, is not a singular catalogue of these books as the sixty-six books are each respectively assigned to either the Old or New Testament. To illustrate this, the Old Testament comprises of thirty-nine of the sixty six, Genesis to Malachi; whilst the New Testament includes the balance of twenty-seven books, the Gospel of Matthew through the Book of Revelation. Now it is important for non-Jewish audiences to understand that the New Testament is not ‘new’, in the sense that it is a modernized or an updated version of the Old Testament, as an alarming..."
- C.J. Werlem
"Christopher Hitchens, author of God is Not Great, eloquently makes his punchy position on this:
“[New Testament] is a work of crude carpentry, hammered together long after its purported events and full of attempts to make things come out right."
- C.J. Werlem
"The books of the Bible were crafted together by ancient man to explain how his universe and his surroundings came to be. These were books that provided comfort to man, as he feared the dark, death in battle, the sound of thunder, or illness and disease. Within all civilizations, within all societies, the human existence has demonstrated its proclivity to create gods for when we cannot find meaning or understanding. For example, we knew the sun was good because it made our crops grow. No sun, no crops, no food. Therefore we created the Sun God. Similarly, gods for water, fertility, healing, etc..."
- C.J. Werlem
"The ancient Romans believed their existence was founded by the twins Romulus and Remes, both orphaned and raised by a wolf. The ancient Hebrews believed a sky-god placed a man named Adam, created from dust, and a woman, created by Adam’s rib, on earth to be the first family of their existence..."
- C.J. Werlem
"Bible, but this is what is known of the ‘Good Book’:
More than 35% of college attending Christians could not put the following in order: Abraham, the Old Testament prophets, the death of Christ and Pentecost.
One-third could also not identify Matthew as an apostle from a list of New Testament names.
The above findings corroborated by an editorial published in Politics Daily titled, Why a ‘Year of the Bible’ Would Horrify its Sponsors showed:
More than 50% don’t know that Genesis is the first book of the Bible.
More than 50% can’t name even one of the Gospels.
More than 60% can’t name at least 5 of the 10 commandments.
More than 20% think Moses was one of Jesus’ disciples.
More than 50% of High School seniors think Sodom and Gomorrah was a married couple..."
- C.J. Werlem
"Is it possible believers choose not to read it because Isaac Asimov’s famous quote, in regards to the Bible, is a truism?
“Properly read, the bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.”
– Isaac Asimo"
- C.J. Werlem
"If you ever get into a religious discussion with a Christian, for example, a circular rationale usually ensues, something like this: “The Bible is true because it is the word of God and I know it is the word of God because the Bible says so. And if the Bible says so, then it must be true, because I know the Bible is true because it is the word of God and God wouldn’t lie. I know that because the Bible says so.” Are you dizzy yet
At the risk of further extending the circular roundabout, the theological conundrum is that the onus is now on the believer to prove the existence of the Biblical God, because if he isn’t real then the book isn’t inspired!"
- C.J. Werlem
"Therefore, for the Bible to be truly inspired by a Heavenly creator, it would require that all the hundreds and thousands of men that took part in the copying and translating were ‘inspired’ by God. I now need to get off this merry-go-round.
But if we grant the believers their faith and be gracious enough to offer our humor, then shouldn’t we expect the Bible to be brim-filled with wisdom, wonder, enlightenment and beauty? Shouldn’t this book, co-authored by the supreme-being, the creator of all, be the most marvellous thing ever written; standing side by side with progressive scientific discovery and not starkly against it? Is this too much to ask? Because having read the Bible back to front, front to back, right to left, left to right, I think it is one of the most uninspiring books ever written. God’s greatest preaching to mankind, his creation, counts for little more than who I can and can’t shag; what I can and can’t eat; when I can and can’t work; how I should treat my slaves; under what terms I can annihilate..."
- C.J. Werlem
"Seems a little trivial, doesn’t it? Furthermore, this God has some bizarre and brutish methods for getting his point across, including forcing his prophet Ezekiel to eat nothing but bread..."
- C.J. Werlem
"meared with human shit for 430 consecutive days; vaporizing people into salt for innocuous errs; and of course, seeing to the slaughter of entire civilizations because they may happen to be in the way of an Israelite land grab.
Really? Is this his best effort? My god, I can literally walk into any Border’s bookstore blindfolded, march directly to the self-help section and find more wisdom in ‘Awaken the Giant within’ or ‘Chicken soup for the soul’ and these respective books are just full of pseudo pop-psychology at best and utter meaningless bullshit at worst"
- C.J. Werlem
"“…even if the Bible is a dead-on accurate transcription of God’s words, it’s rather shocking that God only had two books in him, the Old and the New Testament. I’ve actually written two books and I am sure God would have written more than me. Two books? That was all he had to say to us? You think he would have put at least a pamphlet in response to the Holocaust. And if not, a pamphlet, a couple of well placed fire-balls, for crying out loud. This is the Supreme Being we’re talking about, who whacks Sodom and Gomorrah and turns Lot’s wife to salt and Hitler doesn’t get so much as a twisted ankle? It seems a little suspicious to me.”
It becomes obvious, then, that the Bible is far from the writings of an omniscient, super-intellectual being, but rather the often incoherent rants of a few violent, self-serving, nomadic Middle Eastern yokels, who created these writings, with not only the intention of explaining the inexplicable but also for the moral justifications of slavery, subjugation of women and domination of neighboring societies to steal their land, rape their women and plunder their treasures.
Who better to put this all into some realm of reality than the great late comedian Mr. George Carlin?
“When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises
and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there’s an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever ‘til the end of time! But He loves you."
- C.J. Werlem
"Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?
‘God’ and ‘evil’ in the one sentence surely challenges the public relations spin of God being a loving, just, peace-endorsing heavenly father. With ‘spoiler alert’ disclaimer up front, this examination will ultimately lead you to one of the following two conclusions, that either
God is just a creation of man’s imagination or,
God is an evil bastard.
Be assured that my caricature of the celestial cloud merchant is not just something that I have grasped on my own, as much smarter men than I contend similar. Take Richard Dawkins’, biologist and author of God Delusion, depiction of God from chapter two of his book."
- C.J. Werlam
"“The Christian God is a being of terrific character — cruel, vindictive, capricious and unjust.”
Now, if your knowledge of the Bible is confined to the religious preacher sound bites, then I am sure the aforementioned quotations from Messrs. Dawkins and Jefferson come as a bit of a shock. But I dare anyone to come up with a better personality profile of the God of Abraham having read the Bible from Genesis right through to Revelations. This God created by the Hebrews is far removed from the propaganda spun by priests, pastors and popes, who use these pithy sound bites of ‘love thy neighbor’ and ‘do unto others’, or ‘turn the other cheek’ as means of packaging Christianity for sale. The Biblical reality is that this particular God will smote you for working on the wrong day; wearing the wrong clothes; sex with the wrong person; thought crimes such as wanting a new car, a new boat, or a holiday; complaining about a lack of food; complaining about the quality of the food; eating the wrong food; occupying land allotted for his ‘chosen’ people; talking back to your parents; questioning authority; looking back to see his destruction of a city; breaking the rules for owning or buying slaves; and ultimately hates you for not being an Israelite, to name but a few. He truly punctuates the air with far more reasons to hate the human condition than love it."
- C.J. Werlam
"They are able to do all of this without a sky-god to watch over them, without the benefit of a book written 4000 years ago by other chimpanzees. With this in mind, why do Christians, Muslims and Jews continue the self-loathing and self-doubting assertion that the Bible forms the framework for human morality? Laughable isn’t it? Like the chimps, we have a mutual investment and moral empathy in ensuring that perpetrators of deeds that cause harm to us are ultimately isolated from us, whether by imprisonment or ostracization. The reality-show ‘Survivor’ makes a dim-witted case in point for this dynamic. Watch any elimination episode and it is primarily those individuals that offer no altruistic value to the tribe, whether physically or politically, who are sent home for an early shower..."
- C.J. Werlam
"“A cranky old bastard”, in a heated teen-angst moment? And if we are picking and choosing the
laws worthy of following, then aren’t we playing God ourselves? Furthermore, if we accept that it is barbaric in the 21st century to sell our daughters into slavery, then it is evident that morals, like everything else in the human experience, evolve. Resulting in the conclusion that moral evolution is at the behest of man and not by God.
Further, if belief in God were inextricably tied to morality then it would be fair to assume that statistical, analytical or anecdotal data would demonstrate that societies with a higher degree of religiosity would be safer places to live, as those citizens abided by the moral code prescribed by the respective religion."
- C.J. Werlam
" Marduk’s sacred animals are horses, dogs and a dragon with a forked tongue……and when we will want to relearn that premarital sex is a sin? Or that adulteresses should be stoned to death?
“Do you think that, if you were granted omnipotence and omniscience and millions of years in which to perfect your world, you could produce nothing better than the Ku Klux Klan or the Fascists?”
Bertand Russell (London, 1927"
- C.J. Werlam
"Genesis is the first book of the Bible of Judaism and Christianity, and the first of five books of the Pentateuch or Torah. It recounts Judeo-Christian beliefs regarding the world, from creation to the descent of the children of Israel into Egypt, and contains some of the best-known stories of the Old Testament, including Adam and Eve, Cain and Abel, Noah’s Ark, the Tower of Babel and the biblical Patriarchs.
For Jews the theological importance of Genesis centers on the covenants linking God to his Chosen People and the people to the Promised Land. Christianity..."
- C.J. Werlam
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