"The very first sentence of Genesis and therefore the Bible states:
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” (Genesis 1:1 NIV
That’s it! Doesn’t tell us how he made it; what building materials were used; if any of the work was outsourced to India; or from where he sourced the materials. The Bible’s explanation of the creation of the universe is paramount to the smart-ass kid in the classroom telling you, “It just is and you wouldn’t understand it even if I told you anyway!” Imagine how confusing the creation of the universe by the Hebrew God 6,000 years ago must have been to the Sumerians as they watched on from their huts drinking beer, and using glue. Wait. What?
The next time someone says there is still a debate between our modern cosmological understanding of the universe versus the..."
- C.J. Werlam
"The remainder of the opening sentence of Genesis continues:
“Now the earth was formless and empty, darkness was over the surface of the deep and the Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.” (Genesis 1:2 NIV)
So, the question becomes what was God doing with himself leading up to that time? Sitting idle in the formless empty darkness? How long was he sitting on his ass flicking between channels waiting for
something interesting to watch? Did he..."
- C.J. Warlem
"...this extraordinarily lengthy hiatus. Evidently, he was indeed content with floating around in the dark until, all of a sudden, he says to himself, “Fuck it, I want to create a planet, a heaven, some people and sit back and watch them destroy each other in my honor because Monday Night Football is still 6,000 years away."
- C.J. Werleman
"I find it excessively humorous that God made light out of nothing, on the second day, which means he made the heavens and the earth in the dark! Now, if creating everything we know out of nothing wasn’t a challenge enough, he did it in complete darkness. Pretty impressive, isn’t it? I can’t even write my own name in the dark, let alone create a fucking great big shark.
God Messes Up The Order
Irrefutably, the total balls up of the Genesis order of events is the smoking gun for demonstrating that God is the figure of 2000 BC man’s imagination, but in keeping"
- C.J. Werleman
"God created light and darkness on day one and the sun and the planets didn’t appear until day four, according to the scripture. So where did the light come from? No sun, no light. Oops!
On day three he creates all the earth’s vegetation, the plants and the trees, but we now know God didn’t create the sun until the following day, so how can there be plant life without photosynthesis? Oops!
Now we run into our very first contradiction, and we are only on page one of the Bible mind you, as God says that on day five he created the birds and animals from nothing more than the water from the oceans, but then in the very next chapter, as he is doing a summary of these heady seven days, it is written:
“Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the land and all the birds of the air.” (Genesis 2:19 NIV)"
- C.J. Werleman
"Moving onto the sixth day of his celestial architectural program, God decides to create a human being:
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him.” (Genesis 1:27 NIV)
Think about this for a moment: made in his own image? If we are truly made in his own image then why aren’t we invisible? But clearly I can see you and you can see me, so I think this is another fallacy straight off the bat. And if we do look like him, which of us does he most resemble? Is he Asian? Is he black?"
- C.J. Werlman
"Is he an NRA card-carrying member of the Texas branch of the Young Republicans? Or is he somewhat Tokyo metro-sexual in appearance? Does he stand naked in front of the mirror and wish he gave himself an extra inch or two, not that I do that, I’m just saying, ok! And what if he were anything like Bill O’Reilly? Because if he is anything like the white angry men on FOX News then I will violate all of the 10 Commandments right now, grab a gun, shoot myself, assuring myself a place in the sulphur fires of Hell. Ahh, peace at last!
Ok, let’s imagine that God is more like Morgan Freeman’s portrayal in God Almighty, and imagine for a moment that, bam! man is made out of thin air in God’s own image. Right? Wrong! Well, wrong according to the next contradiction, which follows alongside the birds foul up:
“The Lord God formed the man from the dust on the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and the man became a living being.” (Genesis 2:7 NIV)
So, which one is it? Air or dust? Admittedly, I am easily confused but now I am fully flummoxed. We have only travelled a page or two into the Bible and, already, God is contradicting himself. You would think his preamble would be the easy part! Once God has to remember names and locations after receiving all those prayer-mails and knee-mails, it’s bound to get more difficult. At the start of the second chapter, where it is said that God made man before all the plants and trees, we are in led into confusion again..."
- C.J. Werleman
"Lewis adds further to his take, as a Jew, on the Genesis claim for the creation of the earth, in his typical acidic style:
“Jews know that earth was not created in seven days, because as Jews we know what we are good at. And what we are really good at is – bullshit! This is a wonderful story told to the Jewish people in the desert to distract them from the fact that they did not have air-conditioning. I would love to have the faith to believe it took place in seven days BUT I have thoughts and that can really fuck up the faith thing..."
- C.J. Werleman
"Final thoughts on this, where would Noah have kept the woodpeckers and the termites? With all these millions of animals, reptiles and insects on board this boat for months how big was the poo-room? Ha, poop..."
- C.J. Werleman
"the Canaan Desert. The Bible reconciles this in a manner that is arguably the most ridiculous of all.
The Bible has it written that the entire world, post-flood, spoke a single language. The world’s inhabitants gathered together on a flood plain in the land of Shinar, presumably somewhere in what we know to be Israel today. All citizens of the world united to build a new city, with what would be an iconic tower, being so magnificent that its pinnacle would seem to touch the heavens. Working together in solidarity and with a common purpose, the ‘world’ built this impressive tower made of brick and mortar, and indeed, according to Bible lore, it reached into Heaven.
Was God happy with this engineering feat of human endeavour? Was he happy that man had united after the virtual elimination of his species as a result of God’s flood? The answer is no, he wasn’t. In fact, God was furious that man would do such a thing without it being, specifically,..."
- C.J. Werleman
"What’s further interesting about this story is that Abraham lied and deceived a Pharaoh with God’s endorsement. What kind of moral teaching is this? I think all believers should find it somewhat unsettling that the human father of the Judaeo-Christian faith was a blatant liar. The Church of Latter Day Saints, the Mormon faith, was likewise founded by a convicted fraudster in Joseph Smith, but at least the Mormons got magic underwear for following him..."
- C.J. Werleman
"God says to Abraham:
“Every male among you shall be circumcised. You are to undergo circumcision and it will be a sign of the covenant between me and you.” (Genesis 17:10 NIV)
Thus, if you are male and reading this book, chances are you too have no foreskin, which according to some scientific claims contains 75% of the erogenous nerves of the penis. You can point to this passage in the Bible to explain the reason why your uncircumcised friends are experiencing 300% more pleasure during sex. I have to say, however, that I personally bear no grudge against God for this covenant, being circumcised myself, because if I were to enjoy sex any more than I currently do then I would never get anything accomplished. It would be a case of ‘goodbye, outside world..."
- C.J. Werleman
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